Confronting Recurring Fears (Scaling Fear)

Some fears are valid. Others are not only unfounded — they can be harmful, soul-sucking, and a total waste of energy. For the latter, let's talk about a technique called Scaling Your Fear.

Scaling your fear is a way to put your fear into perspective, gain control and agency over your fear, and to develop an action plan to decrease that fear.

Funny story, while researching for this article, I realized I learned a different version of scaling fear than what is apparently mainstream. I find both incredibly helpful, so I'm going to share both with you today. Use as you wish and at your discretion!

Scaling Your Fear: Method #1 — Gaining perspective.

I, for one, have a constant and relentless fear of losing my job. Is it founded in reality? No. Has anything happened to make me think this is my reality in the near future? Not really. Is there evidence pointing to this being a real threat for me at this moment? I guess not. So more than anything... this fear is crippling me, draining my energy, paralyzing me, and ironically, hurting my performance. Somewhat of a messed up self-fulfilled prophecy if you ask me.

So I'd categorize that as an unhelpful, unfounded fear. That means I should probably figure out what to do about it, before it actually becomes my reality. (Dark manifestation or something).

Using my own fear as an example, here is how you would scale the fear:

On a scale of 1-10, where would you rate this fear?

In the moment, when I'm paralyzed (usually the state I end up in before I actually reach out for help) — the fear is a 10. A big, scary, intimidating, domineering TEN.

Then, ask yourself. What's your biggest fear, ever?

I'd sit back and think, probably some type of loss... but something bigger. Something irreplaceable. I end up at the loss of a loved one. (Sorry to get morbid, but I'm sharing my genuine personal experience, and I'd say that's a pretty relatable "biggest fear" when it comes to fear.)

THAT is my 10.

Now, if that REAL "biggest fear" is my new 10... losing my job doesn't seem so scary. I can get a new job. It would be hard and challenging, yes. But is it worthy of all the fear I've been wilfully funneling into it? No. Compared to my worst fear, it's probably a 5.

It's something I can control. Something I can change. Something I can move on from. I have options.

That's one way to use Scaling Your Fears to gain perspective.

And admittedly, it's not perfect!

What do I do when I inevitably lose a loved one? Well, that's a different set of tools and system of support. THIS system at-hand isn't universal, it's for specific problems and fears.

Now that I've totally ruined your mood, let's move onto the second way to Scale your Fear.

Scaling Your Fear: Method #2 — Gaining control.

For funsies, and also because I've already opened this wound, let's use the example of job loss again here.

Here's how I would scale that fear to gain control over it:

I'd ask myself, again:

On a scale of 1-10, where would you rate this fear?

Again, a very scary, seemingly unshakeable, surely-to-swallow-me-whole TEN.

Then, you ask yourself another question:

What can we do to take this fear from a 10, down to a 9?

Then you can go into problem solving mode. Into solutions mode. Because it kind of circumvents that fear paralysis. You're looking to reduce the fear in baby steps, not overcome or solve the intimidating problem. And that's far less scary.

Maybe you can look into new responsibilities you can take on. Ask your boss what more they need help with. Start brushing off your resume, just in case. Look into other jobs, just to remind yourself they're out there. Take some courses to get some more experience. Or simply have a conversation with a loved one who knows how to talk you back from the ledge.

It turns a huge, abstract, elusive fear into small actionable steps to quell the fear itself, rather than solve your problem.

And sometimes, that's all you can do in the moment.

I hope these systems of gaining perspective of, and control over, your fear is helpful to you at some time, in some way. After all, fear is meant to heighten our senses to protect us. It's not meant to go haywire and sabotage us. So it's up to us to discern the motivations of our fears, and tell the destructive ones to sit down and be quiet, so we can continue to live our lives.

To wrap up, I'm going to add some of my favorite affirmations and quotes about fear to remind yourself of when things get scary:

Affirmations:

I am safe in this moment. My body is calm, my mind is steady, and I am protected.

It’s okay to feel fear — and I am strong enough to move through it.

I trust myself to handle whatever comes. I’ve done hard things before, and I can do them again.

Right now, I choose peace over panic, breath over worry, presence over fear.

Nothing is chasing me. I am grounded, supported, and secure exactly where I am.

Quotes:

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it."

— Nelson Mandela

"Fear is only as deep as the mind allows."

— Japanese Proverb

"Feel the fear and do it anyway."

— Susan Jeffers